The experience we share with our partner has the power to unite or divide us despite the various distinctions between men and women, particularly when it comes to sex. Both parties experience the impacts of an unsatisfying sexual experience, which can gradually erode the foundation of a relationship.

I’ll cover the most important tips for becoming a great lover both in and out of the bedroom in this essay.

1. Focus on the Positive

When a relationship first begins, we are committed to bringing out the best in both of our partners. We are entirely focused on the best qualities of our partner and continually present the best version of ourselves. Naturally, this draws our partner to us and enhances our self-confidence and attractiveness.

Life is rosy when we’re feeling happy because we tend to concentrate on the finest possible conclusion. This is sometimes referred to as a relationship’s honeymoon period.

2. Take responsibility for your emotions

I’ve provided sex, intimacy, and emotional connection counselling to numerous individuals and couples over the years, and it’s remarkable how frequently one spouse will believe they are to blame for the happiness of the other.

Yes, our actions and behaviours can influence a spouse’s contentment or dissatisfaction. For this reason, it’s critical to step up our own “A” game because doing so will motivate our partner to do the same.

But it boils down to a few easy factors we can control that determine how we feel.

Making the most of what we have, taking charge of addressing sexual function issues in ourselves and supporting and encouraging a partner to address theirs, dressing nicely to feel good about ourselves, making the most of what we have been given, being appreciative of our partner and all that we are creating in our life—these are all restorative actions that enhance how we feel.

Our responsibility is to rewire reality. Keep in mind that every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

3. Respect them for who they are

Directly expressing your appreciation for your significant other can support your desire for them to enjoy spending time with you, both inside and outside of the bedroom when you respect and cherish them. It further strengthens the emotional connection.

Remembering the little things, paying attention when they speak, and saying “thank you” when they do something you like are all ways to show someone you appreciate them. In addition to being grateful, try to see the good in your partner. What about them do you find seductive? What features of their sense of humour do you like? What about them excites you? What turns you on about them? Be specific before delivering those details.


4. Play More

The things we say, do and think to affect how we feel. This is crucial in relationships because our partners are directly affected by all of our behaviours. We must improve our listening skills in order to be better lovers.

When we don’t offer our spouse our complete attention, we often only hear the highlights of what they are saying, which creates issues, especially when they are asking for a significant change.

Since most communication[6] is nonverbal, being preoccupied causes us to overlook all the cues that highlight the significance of a problem.

This can result in numerous protracted fights where both parties blame the other for not comprehending when, in reality, the argument in question wouldn’t be happening if the other spouse had paid attention to all that was said and then responded appropriately.

Nothing is worse than being accused of something you don’t believe you did, but if you really listen to your spouse, you can understand what they are asking of you.

5. Touch with consideration

When he pulled me in for a hold or a kiss last fall, the person I was dating would firmly grasp me with his fingers. Even though our relationship was brief, I still get a tingle of want when I think back on it. That is how good the physical chemistry was.

Laeta claims that the reason I felt so desired was because of how creative he was with regard to sensual stimulation of the body: “Our skin enjoys diversity. A contrast between lighter, softer strokes and firmer, stronger holds is the best touch for arousal. Be innovative. Be careful not to touch someone repeatedly. You can paint on your lover’s body like a blank canvas.”

Final Reflections

Being the best version of ourselves is necessary to be a better lover. This entails taking responsibility for oneself, as well as actively listening to and resolving the conflicts in our personal and interpersonal interactions.

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